One of the biggest compliments I’ve ever received was said to me about ten years ago. I was complaining to a friend about double standards in society and he said to me, ‘You’re not a cunt, you’re a rarity, and people will hate you for that’.
As I got older, I found that was true. I believe that you should always strive to be a good person but you should never change for other people’s sake, no matter how crazy it makes you seem. But people don’t like that because people as a general rule are judgemental cunts and they will judge you – vocally – behind your back and to your face.
A small minority will accept you for who you are and I’m very lucky to have a handful of people in my life that do so. I can tell them about the darkest, craziest ideas that come into my head and they will support me even if they don’t personally understand or agree with them. But if you want to be a ruthlessly ambitious quirky misunderstood genius, you will end up leaving a lot of people behind just because they won’t always follow your train of thought.
People think that being a creative genius is all yachts and free designer gear but they don’t think about the other side of it, the side where you end up sitting in your room for days on end because you can’t cope with life the same way that everyone else does. The side where you don’t eat because you’re too busy writing, or consciously starving yourself to make sure that the raw feeling comes across in what you’re doing. The side where you can’t put into words what you’re doing with your life because your own brain can’t compartmentalise it into a logical explanation. The side where you say ‘fuck what people think, I know I can do this’ but really you don’t know, you just close your eyes and grit your teeth and hope for the best because the only thing worse than being terrified and doing it anyway is letting fear paralyse your life. The side where, because you’re the first of your circle of friends to do something, you have no one to turn to and ask, ‘Am I doing this right?’
I’m not saying I’m a creative genius; most of the time I sit at my laptop with the best intentions and end up browsing Reddit for 5 hours. BUT THE POINT IS.
Update: I’m now actually in a position to say what the point is. The point I’m trying to make is that thinking and doing things differently is fun and interesting most of the time, but sometimes it can be a bit stressful and depressing, and make you write melodramatic blog posts.